HOW I ENDED UP WITH 20 KIDS

I always wanted to have eight kids. Seriously.

A watered-down version of this:

When Duncan and I were dating in law school, I told him about my family plans.  To my surprise, he didn't run away. And, as far as I could tell, his feet weren't tied up.  He could, of course, simply have been stunned.  Kind of like a deer in the headlights.  

I don't think I was particularly focused on being able to put together a baseball team.  I just wanted a chaotic form of domestic bliss. 

Some of my best memories as a child were sleepovers at my friend, Kate's, house.   She was one of 9 kids, and I remember dinners at her tiny house being a free-for-all, full of boisterous laughter and uninhibited resolve. They actually got up in front of one another and acted out their day.   Even the toddlers (who really just danced around in their diapers, but nevertheless knew they were on the playlist in the family show).  

Her parents were active participants, and encouraged the bedlam.  I can still see them: tossing back their heads and howling with glee.  Even at me.  Especially at me.  I felt a warmth so unique and real, I wanted it to go on forever.  

Even at a young age, I realized that the food on the table wasn't the main attraction.  What her family valued most was gathering together and sharing the ordinary moments that had made their days extraordinary.  

Duncan and I started our family early, and we had two incredible sons before the age of 30.  We were right on track for eight.  

But then the unexpected happened.  I developed rheumatoid arthritis, and our plans came to a halt. 

No more children.  

So we decided to make a difference in the lives of children who were not our own.   Over the past 30 years, we've coopted a handful of willing participants, but for a good cause.  And we've never ended up in jail.  

In fact, we've had great success.  Even internationally.  

Our oldest son, Ian, went to college in Scotland, and many of his Scottish friends still call us their "American parents."  They spent summers with us.  We've not only gone to their weddings, but actually performed one of them.  

Now they are starting to have children of their own.  

My obituary won't say I had eight children.  But my heart will know I had 20.    After our early setback, Duncan and I have been fortunate enough to help a few extra souls live purposefully, with wild abandon, and deliberate joy.  

True, we had fewer children than planned.  But we ended up with more love than we ever could have imagined.  

We got a baseball team after all. With a few added blessings on the bench.